my heart is beaming with love!

emmett leaned over tonight on his changing table and touched my belly and said, "baby." this makes me so incredibly happy... i almost starting crying. i am so excited for my sweet little bug to be a big brother.

First Shirt!

While I was away in LA over the weekend I bought honeybean his first shirt!!! I am kind of in love with it.

still brainstorming names for honeybean

So far we have got Charlie and Max as runners up, but we are still thinking about it. We may just decide after he's born for fun.

I have been getting more and more excited about having another boy. Picturing Emmett with a little bro makes me smile. It's going to be fun!

change of plans

i've decided to go for a map/travel theme for honeybean's room. i've already got great ideas!

Another BOY

so my gut was right with this one... honeybean is a boy. i could actually tell during the ultrasound before the technician even told us. i caught a glimpse of the genitals a couple of times (mostly because i know what they look like!). even though for most of this pregnancy i had a feeling it was a boy, i couldn't help but hope that i was wrong. i know that every one says, "it doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy." i really think that that goes without saying, but as humans we have hopes and dreams for ourselves and having 2 boys was not one of those hopes. i know that expressing how i currently feel in this situation is frowned upon in our society but i think that honesty is important. i should be able to be open about how i feel right now. when i found that i was having another boy it did not exactly make me excited for myself. when i think about eric and how i know that deep down he really did want a brother for emmett because of how close he and his brother are, that makes me happy. or when i think about the brotherly bond that will hopefully form between emmett and this newbie on the way, that of course makes me happy. but when i daydreamed years ago about starting a family of my own, i dreamt about having a girl. i thought about helping her with boyfriend problems, going dress shopping and helping her plan her wedding. when i was younger and i had the superstitious hand trick done to see how many babies i would have, it said that i was going to have 4 girls! boy was that wrong! however, the more i think about it, the more i remember how much i had struggled to form friendships with other girls growing up. i could never understand the catty and insensitive nature that i saw in how girls treated each other in my life. i didn't feel like dealing with those personalities and for many years my closet friends were all boys. i had a hard time relating to girls really until college when i met genuine and sweet women to befriend. is it that i maybe can't handle raising a girl? i can tell from being out and about in children settings that girls do seem to be more difficult to raise. but i always thought that i would be up for the challenge and that i could raise a girl to be a good person in the world of prissy and catty girls. i have always liked that i have a rougher side to my personality that gets me out camping, playing a sport or hiking and then a more feminine side that is very sensitive and into girly things. but who is to say that i would even have a girl like this?? i guess it's ingrained in me that i always wanted to have a girl like myself, rugged but girly. i think a lot of people want to to think their children as an extension of themselves, but probably most of the time, they are a completely different human being. what it comes down to is that God wants me to have these two boys for a reason and i know that pretty soon i'll get over the no girl baby blues and start to get excited about planning for another boy. i should and will feel grateful that i am fortunate to be able to carry babies, especially after having miscarriages.

i fell in love with honeybean right away, especially during this last ultrasound. if you have ever had your own ultrasound you know that overwhelming feeling of love that you feel when you see your baby..it's indescribable. it's even more indescribable when you really first meet them for the first time. i am in love with this baby, i just need a little bit more time to fall in love with the idea of having another boy. I'll get there soon, i promise.

19 weeks belly bump!

the first photo is my 19 week belly bump with Emmett and the second is my 19 week bump with honeybean. I am definitely looking bigger with this one... yikes!